Changing Direction
by selina41319
Summary: When tragedy strikes for Castle and Beckett, Kate is forced to reevaluate what she wants. And comes to a life changing decision. *Set sometime during season 6, but Kate has come back from DC. Starts out kinda sad and angsty, but later chapters will be all fluff!*
1. Chapter 1

***PLEASE READ***

**It's been a while since I've been here. I've not written anything in about 6 months, so I'm not sure if this will be any good. This is also my first Castle fanfiction, so I hope it's okay and you enjoy etc. I'm going to try and be as consistant with updates as possible, though I can't promise anything because of school stuff and because I'm not very good at keeping on track with these things. But I will try!**

**So, enjoy. I hope. Review? And feel free to follow me on tumblr if you like (dauntless-through-and-through) :)**

* * *

On a sunny Monday morning, Kate Beckett awoke in the exact position she had fallen asleep in the night before - tangled in the arms of her fiancé. She loved waking up this way. And no matter how many times she did, it still took her breath away. The feeling of pure contentment that came with being with him. His arms wrapped protectively around her, shielding her from the world.

But there was something wrong this time. Kate felt terrible. She looked up at the clock next to their bed and realised it was only 6am. She didn't have to get up for another hour. But the knots in her stomach were too painful to try and go back to sleep. So instead, she slipped out of bed, without disturbing the sleeping Castle, and went in search of painkillers.

After taking a couple of Aspirin, Kate sat at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee and today's newspaper. The usual chaos of the Castle household absent, in favour of the silence of the early morning. Of course Kate loved living there, but there's something about the silence that she found ever so comforting. Probably from living alone for so long.

Of course, as soon as she'd gotten settled, her phone started vibrating. The screen glowed with the logo for the 12th Precinct. Kate sighed before picking up.

'Beckett.'

"Yo." Esposito's voice chirped into her ear.

"How are you so happy at this time in the morning?"

"Because I'm looking forward to seeing your smiling face."

"Cute.' She said with a small smirk. "We got a body?"

"Yup." He answered plainly. "Text you the details and meet you there."

"Alright, see you in twenty."

She hung up the phone and got to her feet to go and get ready, but found herself having to sit back down again as the room started spinning around her. She leant against the table, putting it down to just getting up too fast. After giving herself a few seconds, she got tried again and this time everything stayed as it should.

She made her way back into their bedroom to find Castle still snoring quietly, just as he was when she'd left. He looked so peaceful, almost enough to make her contemplate leaving him there. Almost.

Picking up the pillow from her side of the bed, she lightly hit him in the shoulder. He stirred but didn't wake up. So she hit him again, a little harder, and this time he opened his eyes.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." He made a grab for her, trying to pull her into an embrace. But she was too quick for him in his current state of half asleep, half awake.

"We've got a crime scene to go to, so get up." She grabbed some clothes and went towards the door, turning round just before going through it. "I'm going for a quick shower. I expect you to be ready by the time I get back."

"Don't you want some company?" He said with a smirk on his face.

"No." She replied firmly. "We have places to be and you can't keep your hands to yourself." He pulled a face, faking upset. Rolling her eyes, she left the room.

"Do I not even get a morning kiss?"

"Not until you're dressed." She called back.

And with that, he finally started to get ready.

* * *

They arrived at the crime scene later than intended after Castle's 'morning kiss' turned into somewhat of a make out session. They walked through the now abandoned apartment building and to room where the murder took place. Suddenly Kate was hit with the strong smell of chemicals.

"Woah, are you using stronger stuff in here?"

"Good morning to you too!" Lanie replied, without looking up from the body on the floor. It was a woman, around 60 years old. She had no obvious signs of injury. To the untrained eye, she'd just look as if she were sleeping.

"The crime scene chemicals have never bothered you before. Are you okay?" Castle came and stood behind, placing his hands on her shoulders lovingly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm just coming down with something." She turned round to give him a reassuring smile. "What happened to her?" She asked and she turned back to Lanie and the body.

"Looks like some kind of poison. But I'll know more once we get her back to the lab and I can run tests." Lanie looked up and met Kate's eyes for the first time that day. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just hot in here. I'm going to get some air, I'll see you guys outside."

Kate walked out of the room in a hurry, leaving Castle and Lanie to exchange worried looks.

* * *

A couple of hours later and they still had no leads. Everyone was taking a break from the case until Lanie's test results came back. With Castle having gone out to get them some lunch, Beckett and the boys were sat around doing paperwork. Well, Esposito and Ryan were doing paperwork. Kate had her head down on the desk, having given up trying to concentrate a while ago. She felt much worse than this morning.

"Maybe you should go home, Beckett."

"What?" Kate said in surprise, sitting up suddenly. She'd been just about to doze off.

"I said, maybe you should go home." Ryan repeated.

"No, I'm okay." They gave her disappointed looks. Even she wasn't convinced by her own words. She stood up slowly and headed for the door. "I'll be right back."

As she walked slowly the bathroom, she realised just how tired she was. Each step was becoming more difficult than the last. When she finally made it, she put her hands on the sink to keep herself up and looked in the mirror. She really did look dreadful. She was much paler than usual and she could see little beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

She splashed some water onto her face to try and cool down and was about to leave when the pain her stomach suddenly got worse, forcing her double over. She let out a small cry of pain as she tried to grab the sink again to pull herself back up. But just like this morning, the room began to move around her and she missed the sink, falling and hitting the floor hard. One last word fell from her lips before everything went black.

"Castle."


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so it's been a little a longer than I intended. A whole month to be exact.**

**Confession time! Well, one reason it took me so long is because I've been super busy with school work, which is 100% true. But not the main reason I haven't updated. I am a very paranoid person. And pretty much as soon as I'd posted the first chapter, I began to completely doubt myself. I thought nobody would want to read it (despite all of your amazing reviews, thank you so much! I really do appreciate it!) and that the storyline was way too predictable (which to be honest it is, but still). So I got it into my head that there was no point, and therefore was completely unmotivated to write this. But then at the weekend I got a couple of messages from people asking me when I was going to post this. And it sort of served to snap me out of it, and realise that clearly people do want to read this, despite being predictable. And so here I am, at nearly 4am on a school night. Not the best idea I've ever had, but now I've gained back a little of my confidence, I need to get this posted now while it's still there.**

**So, I'm not going to promise anything. I've made promises regarding updating before and never keep them so there really is no point. But I'm trying, be patient with me. And if you're still sticking around, I thank you. Like I said, my story is a little predictable, there's your warning. If you don't like predictbale, don't bother.**

**With that out of the way, I hope you like this. And I will try my darn hardest to get the next one up in less than a month this time!**

Castle walked briskly back into the precinct, his arms full of enough sandwiches and cakes to feed everyone on the floor, never mind his team. He smiled at everyone as he walked past. Most of the smiled back, though a few just rolled their eyes. Everyone was used to Castle working there by now, but that didn't mean that everyone liked him.

"Where's Beckett?" He asked as he walked back into the room where the boys were going through their victim's mail. He set the bag of food onto the table and let them pick what they wanted.

"Think she went to the bathroom," Esposito answered him as he opened his sandwich. Ryan reached into the bag and brought out a blueberry muffin, which Castle quickly snatched out of his hands.

"That's for Kate. You can have this one," he said, handing him a chocolate chip muffin instead. He sounded more like parent scolding a child than a man talking to his colleague, who was technically his superior. But before Ryan could reply, there was a knock at the door as Gates walked in.

"Just coming to check how you guys are getting on." Her eyes roamed the room. Although there were papers scattered everywhere, indicating that they had indeed been hard at work, they had since been pushed aside in favour of the mountain of food. She didn't look too impressed. "Where's Beckett?"

"Bathroom," Esposito repeated his answer from before, only this time with a mouth full of sandwich. Gates raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Bathroom," Ryan reiterated. She nodded, picking up one of that case files from underneath the food. "Any leads?" She asked, flicking through the pages. No sooner had the words come out of her mouth, Lanie appeared at the door, looking at a sheet of paper.

"Hey guys, the results came in," she paused and looked up into the room, taking in her surroundings. "Is this a party?"

"If it was, you wouldn't be invited," Esposito replied coldly. Since their latest break up, those two couldn't be in the same room without the air becoming hostile. Deciding to the take the high road this time, Lanie settled for a simple eye roll. "Where's Kate?"

"Bathroom," everybody answered simultaneously. The room was silent for a moment before Ryan spoke up. "You know, she's been gone for at least twenty minutes now. Maybe someone should go and check on her."

"Of course," Castle said, ascending from his chair and making his way out the room.

"Uh Castle," Castle turned around to find Lanie had followed him into the corridor. "What?"

"It's a women's bathroom."

"So?" he replied, completely oblivious to her point.

"So, you can't go in there," her eyes darted downwards to punctuate her point. Realisation dawned on his face, as well as a small blush. "Don't worry, I'll go and see to her," she said, with a small teasing smile on her face. She patted his shoulder on as she passed him and made her way to the bathroom.

"Kate," she called as she entered. "Sweetie, you in here?" She turned the corner and felt her breath catch in her throat. Her best friend was lay on the floor, unconscious, and laying in a small pool of her own blood.

"Kate!" She called out, running over to kneel by her friend. She was warm, really warm. Too warm. Lanie placed two fingers on her neck, feeling her pulse to be too high as well. There was a cut on her forehead that had left a trail of blood running down her face. Then there was the blood on the floor, surrounding the lower half of Kate's body. Lanie gently rolled her over, checking for any wounds but finding nothing. "Oh god," she whispered to herself, getting up and running out of the room.

"Call an ambulance!" She shouted to nobody in particular. Immediately, Castle was sprinting down to join her, hot on her heels as she reentered the bathroom. He knelt down in the spot where Lanie had previously been, slowly stroking his fiancée's cheek. And he stayed by her side for as long as he was allowed.

* * *

Half an hour later, Castle was sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room of the hospital. He stared down at his hands resting in his lap, certain he could still see Kate's blood on them, despite having scrubbed them raw three times. Just as he was about to go wash them a fourth time, Lanie returned to her seat next to him, holding out a coffee from the vending machine. He shook his head, so she placed it on the small table in front of them. The stayed silent for a while, until Castle turned to her, uttering his first words since they'd found her.

"What happened to her?" She turned to face him, finding an expectant expression on his face.

"I don't know, sweetie. I just found her like that."

"No, I know that. But you must have some idea."

"I'm a medical examiner. I deal with dead people. I really don't think I'm the person to ask." She hoped he wouldn't notice she was deliberately avoiding the question.

"But that's like a doctor."

"Well, sort of. But-"

"Please," he begged. She could see the desperation in his eyes and could feel her resolve fading.

"Okay, if I had to guess, I'd say that she-"

"Family of Katherine Beckett?" Castle stood up quickly, rushing over the doctor that just entered the room. Lanie let out a sigh of relief, glad to be free of the questions, before following him.

"Mr, uh," "Castle." "Mr. Castle, first of all, your wife is going to be fine." This time he didn't correct him. "She has a mild concussion from where she hit her head, which means we're going to keep her in over night for observation, just to be safe. And she required a few stitches to close the cut on her forehead."

"Okay, can I see her?" Castle replied eagerly, taking his pause that as a sign he was finished.

"Yes, of course you can. But there's something else," he paused again taking a deep breath. "Mr. Castle, Katherine has had a miscarriage. I'm very sorry."

Castle felt his heart stop. A miscarriage? He hadn't even known Kate was pregnant. Had she kept it from him? He tried to ask more questions, but the words wouldn't form and he just kept stuttering. Lanie placed a had on his shoulder, giving it a gentle but comforting squeeze. When he was finally able to speak, he turned to her.

"Did you know? Lanie, did she keep this from me?" His eyes filled with tears, but he managed to hold them back.

"No, I didn't know. I doubt she did either, she wouldn't have kept something like this a secret, Castle." He slowly nodded, before the doctor caught his attention again.

"You can see her now, if you wish. But only one of you." Castle's eyes darted back to Lanie.

"Go. I'll head back to the Precinct and update the guys."

"Thank you. But can you not tell them about, you know," he couldn't bring himself to even say it.

"Of course not, I was just going to tell them she's okay. Gates will need to know though, she's going to need a few days off."

"Yeah, I'll ring her later," he said, though he sounded unsure.

"I can tell her, if you'd like." He was about to refuse, but decided against it, slowly nodding instead. She nodded in turn, leaning in to give him a quick hug. "Tell her I love her."

"I will," he said as they pulled away. They exchanged sad smiles before turning and walking in opposite directions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Apparently I'm feeling pretty inspired right now, so here have another chapter!**

**Little side note, I am going to be incorporating little bits of the actual season 6 plot into this as I go along, because this isn't really an AU, more like an alternate timeline kind of thing. So they'll be a few spoilers for anybody that hasn't seen all the episodes that have aired so far. Just to let you know.**

**Also, once again thank you so much for all of your reviews etc. It really means so much to me!**

Castle had been stood outside Kate's room for at least ten minutes now. He watched her through the little window in the door. She looked so small tucked up in the hospital bed. It scared him seeing her like that, despite the fact he knew she was now just sleeping and no longer unconscious. She'd come round at some point after arriving at the hospital, but they'd since given her a sedative to make sure she wasn't distressed.

"Have you told her yet?" Castle finally acknowledged the doctor that was stood next to him. He wasn't sure exactly how long he'd been there though.

"No, we thought it would be better coming from you. Unless you'd rather we tell her?" Castle thought for a moment, genuinely considering letting them take the hardest part from him. He'd spent the last ten minutes rehearsing in his head what he was going to say to her, and somehow nothing sounded right. It was definitely be easier, but he knew he'd never forgive himself._  
_

He shook his head. "No, that's okay. I'll do it," and with that, he finally opened the door.

* * *

Kate opened her eyes slowly, the light from the room invading her senses in an uncomfortable way, added to the headache she already had. She blinked a few times until everything was in focus again and found Castle sitting at her bedside, holding her hand. He was looking at the floor and for a minute she thought he'd fallen asleep, but then she felt him draw little circles on the back of her hand. She coughed slightly to let him know she was awake.

"Hey," she said softly as he looked up. His only response was to squeeze the hand he was holding. It was then that Kate noticed his eyes were red and puffy.

"What happened?" She moved her hand away from his so that she could sit up slightly.

"You fainted, in the bathroom. Hit your head," he got up to try and help her but she refused, shooting him an 'I'm not an invalid' look. When she was finally comfortable she chuckled a little.

"Typical, I can't even get sick with injuring myself," she let out a little laugh but he didn't even smile. She knew something was wrong, usually he'd at least fake a laugh at her bad jokes. "So when can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow," he said simply.

"Alright, that's not too bad. Do you know if the guys got any further with-"

"Kate, there's something else," he said cutting her off. They both flinched a little in surprise, the words had come out a lot harsher than he'd intended.

"Okay," she said wearily. "What is it?" She sat looking at him expectantly. His eyes went back to the floor as he hung his head. She could tell from how serious he was that it was important, so she waited. She sat there patiently for what felt like hours, waiting for him to speak. Until she noticed his shoulders shaking.

"Castle, are you crying?" He still didn't respond. "Rick, you're scaring me now. Please tell me what's going on."

He finally lifted his head and looked at her. There were still tears making their way down his face. He reached out and gently stroked her cheek and whispered, "I'm so sorry."

At this, Kate began to panic. _Why is he sorry? Is is leaving me? Has he found someone else? Am I not good enough anymore?_ She felt her breathing begin to quicken as she tried to block out the thoughts running through her mind.

"Why are you sorry?" She heard him gulp.

"The reason that you fainted was," he paused, taking a shaky breath. "Because you've had a miscarriage."

She stopped breathing. She just stared, not even at him. She was staring at the wall behind him. She was starting to become light-headed, but no matter how much she ordered her body to start breathing again, nothing happened. She was seriously close to passing out when Castle took her shoulders and shook her lightly. Apparently that worked, because soon enough Kate was coughing and spluttering as her lungs tried to catch up on the oxygen they'd missed out on.

When her breathing had finally evened out again, she looked up at him. "That's not possible."

"What?"

"I can't have had a miscarriage, it's not possible. I was never pregnant."

"Kate," he tried to reach out for her but she pulled away.

"No, Castle, don't patronise me. I would have known if I was pregnant," She tries to be assertive, but it comes out as more of a question. She's beginning to doubt herself. And he can see it. He's looking at her sympathetically and she can't stand it.

"I'm tired," she lays back down on the bed. "Can you go please." He doesn't budge. "Rick, please. Go see Alexis, go see your mother, go and write. Go and do whatever it is you do. But please, just go." She turns over so that she facing away from him.

"Okay," he says softy. She doesn't acknowledge him, not even when he leans over to press a gentle kiss to her temple, whispering that he loves her.

And it's not until he's finally left the room, that she let's go of the tears she's been holding in.

* * *

When Castle arrives back at the loft he's greeted by one of his mother's firm hugs He tried to pull away, a little surprised.

"What's all this about?" He smiled, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Lanie called," Of course she did. "Alexis was here, but she's got class first thing in the morning so she went home to get some sleep."

He nodded and sighed a little. Though he'd accepted it now, it was still weird to think of Alexis calling another place home. He closed the door and made his way over to the couch, sitting down heavily. Martha came and sat next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"So come on, tell me what happened."

"Well, she fainted and then-"

"No, Lanie told me that bit! I meant why are you not at the hospital with her, I thought you would have stayed by her side all night."

He chuckled a little. "She wouldn't let me." Martha pulled away, looking completely shocked. Castle let out a long sigh.

"I wish she'd cried. I know that sounds horrible, but if she'd cried I could have done something, comforted her. We could have gotten through it together. But instead she shut me out. Again."

"Oh Richard, she just needs some time. She'll come to you eventually."

"I know, I'm not really mad at her. It's just..."

"She's not the only one hurting." He nodded. Martha moved forward, pulling him towards her.

And for once, Castle gladly accepted his mother's embrace.


End file.
